“While wanting to teach our children about life, our children teach us what life is all about”  (Angela Schmidt)

10 Tips for Positive Parenting

1)         BE THERE TO LISTEN – it’s sometimes hard to let our children be themselves without judgement .  Listen more than you speak. Get comfortable with pauses. It’s that moment when no one speaks that allows deeper communication. ! LISTEN to yourself , do you remember your childhood, what hurt you, what supported you.

2)         NURTURE YOUR  OTHER RELATIONSHIPS -  No man is an island ! How are your support networks, can you improve them ? We are their role model, we must try to be as we want them to be.

3)         BE GRATEFUL/SHOW APPRECIATION –  Notice the positive .Praise is a powerful thing - Not every little thing needs to be corrected. Things don’t have to be done perfectly, especially by a four year old ! Good enough is  a great yardstick. Constant drawing attention to the negative, undermines confidence and self esteem .

4)         TEACH RESPONSIBILITY/DON’T DO TOO MUCH – natural consequences are part of life, if we try and protect our children over the small things how will they cope in the real world.  We often “rescue” our children. Instead of telling them what to do ask questions. Feel the pressure roll off your shoulders as your children take responsibility for themselves. Allow them to experience the consequences of their behaviour , if clothes are not in the wash basket don’t wash them, if she forgets her pencil case she will have to borrow if she does not revise she will get low marks. These are every parents struggle. To stand back and let her make her choices .This is not, not caring but in the long term it teaches personal responsibility, which is more and more lacking in our society.

5)         RESPECT - If I were to ask you  ‘do you love and respect your children ?’ I’m sure you would all say of course. But do they know you do ? Do you show it in your behaviour towards them? How do you speak to them ? Our children’s self esteem lies in our hands, the way we talk to our children reveals  a lot about how much we respect them

6)         SAY NO WISELY – the  most helpful thing I was ever told was ‘pick your battles carefully and don’t overuse the word no at any age’. Boundaries not rules, negotiate don’t dictate The more flexible you are the easy things will be. Look at why you say no, are you being reasonable, taking a pause before you answer can help, Seek win/win in conflicts, as this nurtures self-esteem. Allowing choice empowers your child, a child who feels powerless is not a happy child.

7)        BE CONSISTANT- say what you mean, mean what you say . This can be one of the hardest things to do but boundaries provide stability in a child’s life whatever their age consequences and sanctions for unacceptable behaviour must always be clear and fair. Children hate injustice more than anything.

8)         LET GO-  from the moment they are born, we are preparing our children for independence. From crawling to walking, to school to their first job. Each age has a letting go stage , when we need to take a leap of faith. We have to learn to let go of being in control, of being right and of needing stuff  from our kids like appreciation and smiles and happiness. If we are really honest much of what we do for our kids comes from our needs not theirs ! Parenting is not about controlling our offspring it is about guiding them .  

9)         BE KIND TO YOURSELF – you are not alone. Look after yourself, don’t waste energy beating yourself  up over mistakes made, move on.

10)       REMEMBER ‘THIS TOO SHALL PASS’  -The biggest trap we fall into as parents is thinking that we are in control. Like it or not we do not have that much control over another persons life and although we want so much to protect our children from the hurts that life can bring the truth is that they need to make mistakes just as we all did No matter how bad it gets, remember have fun, they are  too soon gone!