Mothers Day is fast approaching and as the mother of two delightful daughters, I feel compelled to put pen to paper and write something about the relationship between mothers and daughters. On the one hand a bond of such strength, yet on the other fraught with unknown pitfalls and unsuspected dangers.
I asked myself a question : what do I want for my daughters ? and I stress for not from . As a mother, it can be hard to step away from wanting to be appreciated for all that we give. It is important for our sanity to realize that it was our choice to have children and that parenting is all about giving. What else did we expect ? For us to give as freely and joyfully as we can, we need to let go of our desire to be appreciated. Knowing that gratitude will come later (much later!) when our kids have children of their own and suddenly the enormity of our task is realized (or not!) The point is that needing to be appreciated only leads to resentment, tension and dissatisfaction with an otherwise perfect relationship. All is as it should be is my mantra !
As our beautiful daughters ( and they are all so beautiful ) grow, seemingly away from us, as mothers we can feel excluded from a life that was once so exclusively ours. The worries, the fears, the secrets once shared so easily now stay hidden and unknowable. As they reach their teens, we start to reap what we have sown and we may not like what we get !
Can we be patient, bite our tongues and allow our youngsters to break the bonds that tie us so tightly ? Are we strong enough, mature enough to see ourselves reflected back and smile as doors slam and hormones rage ?
I invite you to take an honest look at your relationship with your daughter. Whether she is five or ten, thirteen or forty. What is she like ? What are you like together ? Is it the way you hoped it would be ? How could it be better ? As mothers, we have so many hopes and many expectations for our daughters. Most importantly, our own experience of being a daughter will have had more of an impact on how we are as a mother than we might like to acknowledge. It is only when we have children of our own that we can put the past in perspective and understand the difficulties that our parents may have experienced.
It takes courage and strength to examine our past and to see the patterns that are reflected there. If we acknowledge that our past can hold the key, offering a chance to heal and understand why we react in certain ways, then I believe we can pave the way to better and more loving communication with our daughters and loved ones.
All relationships are a challenge, but none more so than that we have with our children. If we can see that parenting is our greatest opportunity to learn about ourselves than we can begin to look at things with different eyes and see our children as the gift that they are.
My goal as a mother is for my daughters to have the freedom to grow into spiritually and emotionally healthy adults capable of living their own lives. What do you want for your daughter ?
