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“The trouble with life is that you’re half way through it before you realize that it’s a ‘do it yourself thing ‘”
10 Point Health and Happiness Plan
Ten Things to focus on to help you increase your happiness levels..
1) GRATITUDE – is fantastic, being grateful for what we have will make a positive difference to our happiness. Its very difficult to be unhappy if you are grateful. Everyone has something to be grateful for. Just being alive for one. Having a job, or enough money for lunch, or a roof over your head are all things we can be grateful that we have, but we often take these for granted.
2) THINK POSITIVE- If you are being grateful then being positive flows from that. We think thousands of thoughts a day and most of them are the same thoughts. So If we tend towards the negative then its no surprise that we might be unhappy The way to increase positive thought is to become aware of what you are thinking so that you can change it. So notice your thoughts.
3) DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT – How often do you think about your happiness, do you know what you need to make you happy ? We make a lot of assumptions in daily life and one common one is to assume that someone knows what we need. Take responsibility for getting your needs met.
4) EXERCISE YOUR MIND – The mind is like a muscle, it needs to be stretched pleasurably, whether you study, read ,watch films its important to step out of your comfort zone. Look at the things you avoid doing and ask yourself why ? Do something different and preferably just that bit scary !
5) EXERCISE YOUR BODY – We all know the physical benefits of exercise but did you know its good for your mental health increasing your heartbeat at least once a day. Exercise is known to release endorphins that give you a happiness boost. Physical activity is a great way to instantly increase your sense of well-being.
6) BREATHE – You may not realize it, but your breath is the most important thing in your life . Where would you be without it ? Paying attention to your breathing will tell you a lot about how you are feeling. ? Your breath is a great support in stressful situations.
7) MEDITATE – Take time out in a day to do nothing. regularly sit and do nothing just 10 mins listen to soothing music. spend time in peace, in the bath , in nature …what do you love to do ? Make time to do it.
8) BE GENEROUS – with your time and with your thoughts. A kind word, helping your colleagues, stopping your car at the crossroad to let people cross, giving your seat in a bus to someone else, or giving a small present to someone you love. The possibilities are infinite. When you make someone happy, you become happy, and then people try to make you happy. Everywhere you go everyone you meet think of yourself as a gift.
9) LAUGH –. Smile more often. Spend quality time with good friends, watch funny films read funny books. Seek out happy people. It is easy to think negatively when you are surrounded by people who think that way. Associate with happy people, remember, happiness is contagious.
10) ACCEPT – yourself and others. We have been taught to judge others but we are harshest of all on ourselves. If you make a mistake or something goes wrong forgive yourself and move on.
About Mari Sullivan
Mari is a qualified Personal and Business Coach based in West Cork . She is passionate about people and believes that we are on this earth to live and enjoy life to the full. Through Coaching, writing articles and running workshops, her aim is to help people reconnect with themselves and identify what they truly want to achieve in their lives. She is a member of the Life and Business Coaching Association Ireland (LBCAI).
Contact Mari Sullivan on 086 152 3432 www.westcorklifecoach.com
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INSIGHT
Last year I attended a two day course in presentation skills. Standing up and speaking in front of a group of people would be one of my greatest fears and apparently I am not alone.
Research shows that 80% of people fear speaking in public more than anything else. This got me thinking about fears and where they come from. One of the first areas I explore with a client is their belief and values system. It is here that we uncover what is stopping us from achieving our hearts desire . We often believe negative things about ourselves that are untrue and this realization is truly liberating. I can’t sing and I can’t do math, along with I can’t speak in public are amongst my own personal favourite fears. These beliefs are formed early on in our life, maybe a careless comment overheard as a child or a negative experience. When we confront our fears, they are rarely as terrifying as our imagination has allowed us to believe .
In order to move forward we often need to take steps that scare us. I decided last year that I was no longer going to believe that I couldn’t do things. I was going to have a go ! I’m working on the speaking in public, next I think I will try singing (maybe in the shower first !) If we don’t try, we cant fail and this is sometimes reason enough not to bother.
Taking the time to explore the things you avoid doing and why can be very revealing. For me, believing that I can’t stand up and speak in public would prevent me from doing so much. I learned from the course that I can do it. I also received constructive and positive feedback and ideas to help me improve. The beliefs that we hold about ourselves are usually based on the opinions of others. Knowing that it is YOUR decision whether to believe that opinion or not is empowering. Next time you hear yourself starting to say ‘I can’t’ take a step back and ask yourself ‘is that true?’
Beliefs are not set in stone. They can be challenged and changed. Susan Jeffers wrote a well known book called ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ a great motivator to get out there and conquer your personal demons.
TAKE ACTION THIS MONTH
1)Think of one thing that you would like to improve or master in your life. It could be learning to swim, becoming more confident or getting a job.
2)Identify what is holding you back. Is it fear ?
3)Take one small step towards it. Take a closer look. Jump in !
Published in The West Cork People May 2009
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INSIGHT
What does confidence mean to you ? For me, its feeling relaxed and happy in myself. Confidence for me = self acceptance, an awareness that I may not be perfect but that I am fine as I am. I haven’t always been like that ! There have been parties not gone to, jobs not applied for and interviews fluffed. Certainly growing older plays a part but by actively tackling your demons you can certainly increase your confidence levels.
You can spot people who you would call confident, by the way they carry themselves and the way they relate to others, however scratch the surface and most people have an Achilles heel or an area of their life which they feel could be improved on. You may feel supremely confident in certain areas of your life and feel lacking in others. This is sometimes in evidence where someone is very successful in their job but flounders in their personal relationships. An imbalance like this can create great dissatisfaction, resulting in stress and unhappiness.
The bad news is that the more you try to avoid areas in your life where you feel uncomfortable, the less confident you will feel. Unfortunately confidence is like a muscle and the less you use it the more you lose it ! If you don’t stretch it, work it and limber up then it seems more and more elusive. Humans being the creatures of habit we are, hate to feel uncomfortable and to step outside our comfort zone. However stepping out of your comfort zone is the only way to make change happen. So although its often easier to stay in by the telly or sit next to the same person everyday or stay in the same job, if you know that by grabbing the bull by the horns your life would improve, then here are a few ideas.
Start by identifying an area of your life where you would like to feel more confident. This could be your social life, your work, parenting skills, health, appearance or a talent you would like to acquire. Once you have done this set yourself 5 goals which will move you forward, these should be small and achievable. Say you want to be more confident in your social life, your goals could be :
1) to pick up the phone once a week/month and arrange a social outing
2) talk to one new person a week
3) hold a conversation for longer than usual
4) practice maintaining eye contact when talking to people
5) try a new activity.
Initially you will feel uncomfortable but you will be amazed at the change in yourself as you achieve your goals. Let me know how you get on!
published in THE WEST CORK PEOPLE ( Dec 2008 )
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INSIGHT
Have you noticed that the more you want something the more elusive it seems to become ? In 2008 the Law of Attraction seemed to be on many peoples minds. If you hadn’t read ‘The Secret’ then you would no doubt have seen the DVD or heard from one of your friends about how they were focusing on what they wanted.
I know many people who gave up disheartened or just could not see any improvement in their lives and there lies the difficulty. We like to see results and we like them now and we don’t want to have to make too much effort. The Law of Attraction works whether you want it to or not, the challenge is to harness it and make it work for you in a positive way. The crucial thing is not to say what you want, then stand back and wait anxiously for whatever IT is to arrive. You have to do your bit, keep your goal in mind and be aware that opportunity comes wrapped in many guises.
The greatest tool in getting what you want is to focus first, then relax and let go a little. This is detachment, we humans attach to everything and this can really block our progress. We all know people who want to get married, have a baby or live a different life All the trying gets them nowhere, as soon as they decide to stop thinking about it , boom a miracle! You may want a specific thing and think there is only one way forward but by standing back you allow yourself to see other paths that may well lead to the same destination. Too much attachment causes you to be blind to opportunity.
To help you achieve all this, clarity of mind is essential and learning to meditate is invaluable as this helps you to clear your mind of all the useless, daily negative thinking that goes on.
TAKE ACTION :
1) write down everything you hope to achieve this year, make it as wild as you like but real, you have to really want to achieve this.
2) Put the list somewhere safe and look at it in 6 months time.
Chances are you will have ticked a good few without even trying. If you want to go a step further, divide a page in two and write on one side what you are going to do and on the other what you want the Universe to do in order to achieve your goals, sounds mad ? Let me know how you get on and Happy New Year !
published in THE WEST CORK PEOPLE ( Jan 2009 )
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INSIGHT
A friend of mine asked me recently how I stayed so positive. This got me thinking about how I live my life and what tools I use on a daily basis. For me happiness and health are inextricable and its keeping this balance that allows me to keep positive, despite the bombs that life seems to enjoy dropping.
The impact on our health of prolonged unhappiness, can be huge. We may drink more, smoke more, stay in bed all day, take drugs, eat badly, not exercise. My interest in the links between happiness and health continues to grow as I see more and more clients for health and anxiety and stress related disorders. Clients may come to me with a range of different health issues, depression, stress related illnesses,, overeating, insomnia, anxiety, palpitations, panic attacks etc. What is often revealed is that the symptoms they are experiencing are a physical expression of an underlying dissatisfaction or unhappiness in one or more areas of their lives.
The awareness that how you are feeling and your health levels are related can be a huge breakthrough to becoming healthier in mind and body. I believe that we can all be happier and in fact that is what we are here to achieve, more than success, wealth or power. By paying a little attention to how you live your life day to day you can experience a real positive change. A client said to me recently ‘if someone had told me 3 months ago, that the emotional and the physical were linked, I wouldn’t have believed them’.
The following are a few rules that I follow to create happiness in my own life.
BE GRATEFUL – overwhelmingly gratitude is the one thing that can make a positive difference. It is a mind shift away from what’s wrong, to what is right in your life . Be grateful for at least 3 things every day . Who or what enriches your life ?
BE GENEROUS – with your time, with your thoughts, with yourself. We are all doing what we can. Each day do at least one thing to make others happy. This can be a kind word, helping your colleagues, stopping your car at the crossroad, giving your seat on a bus to someone else, or giving a small present to someone you love. The possibilities are infinite. When you actively contribute to making someone happy for no reason, you reap happiness in return.
USE YOUR BREATH – your breath is a gift, literally. Few of us regularly and deliberately are aware of our breathing and its importance in keeping us calm and balanced.
Genuine happiness is contagious, you spread it wherever you go and that is a gift worth giving and receiving .
published in THE WEST CORK PEOPLE ( Feb 2009 )
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