“While wanting to teach our children about life, our children teach us what life is all about” (Angela Schmidt)
These past few weeks have been full of change for many parents. Watching my two children walk into their new schools, was far more emotional than I had expected. In three weeks they seem to have adapted to the new environment and have thrown themselves whole-heartedly into the experience. This won’t be the case for all children and so I am counting my blessings and keeping my fingers crossed !
When children change schools, whether to go to secondary school or just to a different school, it’s vital that as parents we keep a close eye, without invading our child’s space. How are they in themselves? Look out for any significant negative changes in appetite, mood, friends and behaviour. Allow time for conversation and steer well away from interrogation! As parents we are often so focused on fixing any problems that we are not really listening to what we are being told, rushing to come up with solutions and suggestions. If you find yourself talking more than your child, take a deep breath and bite your tongue. You may be surprised at what is revealed.
Our lives are so full, its easy to forget to take pleasure in our children. By the time we are home, food is eaten, homework is done, rooms tidied, its nearly time for bed! The day can seem full of commands and instructions. Small kindnesses go a long way, especially with teenagers. Making their favourite dinner, hoovering their room, a small surprise waiting for them, a note in their lunchbox saying you love them. Little things show that you think of them when they are not around and that you appreciate them.
We expect so much from ourselves and our youngsters, its easy to lose sight of what is going well.
We can all benefit by paying a little more attention to our own behaviours and reactions, rather than looking to what our children are doing wrong . As the adults in the equation we have a responsibility to ensure that we raise confident, able young people and we can do that by looking inward rather than outward.
Our children don’t need perfect parents they need REAL parents. Parents who cry, lose it, shout, laugh, say sorry, admit that they are wrong and are sometimes vulnerable too. Too often we hide the hard facts, thinking to protect our children when in fact they are far stronger than we realize. As parents we lead by example and the ability to acknowledge our mistakes is as valuable as being proud of our successes. Showing our children that we are not perfect is a huge strength and allows them to be fully themselves. We all have areas we struggle with, its part of being human.
I believe that when we have children we are blessed with the key to our true selves. Parenting is an opportunity for us to learn more about ourselves, however often the focus is on controlling our children, thereby impeding two peoples growth and happiness. Parenting starts with the parent , starting with ourselves is the first step to understanding our children and developing better relationships with them. Our children’s self belief and self esteem is formed at a very young age. It is worth asking ourselves ‘what am I teaching my children ?’
